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Xxmc4lyph52404xX
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Name: laurel
State: Ohio
Metro: Bowling green
Birthday: 7/31/1991
Gender: Female
Interests: softball- -band- -drama club- -sports- -piano- -music- -poetry- -writing- -my effing awesome friends- -bright colors- -animals- -nice days- -outer space- -making something out of nothing- -code red- -cheese!- -chocolate is a girl's best friend- -ugly purses- -hats- -shoes-
Expertise: check out the subs. go to 'thislieilive' and comment.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  mc4lyph52404
Member Since:
1/1/2005
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| I know this kid-- Well, I sort of know this kid. I met him this year, and by this year I mean the beginning of the school year. So, this kid I know is sort of short, but actually shorter than me. He kind of has blonde hair, but it's brownish. I wouldn't be stepping out of the box to say it's gold. Though he's short, he has a deep-ish voice, but raspy at the same time. And, for a reason in which an explanation I don't feel is necessary, he talks a bit different than everyone else. He sounds a bit like he's got a very slight Boston accent, and it's adorable. His nose isn't small and rodent-like, but it's not huge. In my opinion, his nose is just the right size and shape for him. Then there are his eyes. They aren't those little cold eyes that make you feel uncomfortable, but they aren't those harsh, "BAM", in-your-face kind of pretty boy eyes. His eyes are soft and welcoming. His eyes are the kind of eyes you aren't afraid to look into when they're looking into yours. Then, of course, there is his smile. If there's one thing that boy has that I can't resist, it's his smile. When I see his smile I have to smile. It's big and happy and fills me with all sorts of joy. Really, it's one of those "you gotta see it for yourself" sort of things otherwise you can't understand what I mean. Okay now, if all that weren't enough, the boy is ripped. We're talking jaw-droppin' muscle poppin' hunk of deliciousness here. Oh! And he's got the cutest butt too! Aside from all the physical things (which are a plus, but really don't matter to me) he's such a great guy, this kid is. He's not funny; he's hilarious. We can't go a day without laughing. If we only see each other during the one class we have together then it's enough because we talk all the time and say silly things that only we think are funny. If I see him in the hall he'll usually get my attention somehow and say the one word that gets us both smiling like it's no one's business "NYAH!" If all of this isn't a good enough reason to have a mondo crush on this kid, he listens to awesome music. I mean, I've never met anyone else in the world whose ever even heard of MSI. But music isn't everything. I listen to pretty much everything, except country and screamo. Patriotic country can be tolerable, unless it's over the top, and then I want to puke. I have respect for the men and women who died to protect this country, but when you're over seas fighting without much threat, it's hard to see why people should be so grateful. Wow, you found the guy who kills his own people and now he's dead. Nice job! We're safe now! I don't know. But, really, this guy is just wonderful. He's in drama club, which is awesome because a guy who looks good on stage looks even better in the dressing room.
Some of you might have an idea who this kid is and others might not, but it really doesn't make a difference either way because he's dating one of my best friends.
What can you do?
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| so i have 10 things to say.
1: it's sad when you're own children truly hate you.
2: it's also sad when you're children hope you die soon.
3: it's sad when you can calmly sit through your parents' arguments.
4: it's down right pathetic that drunk people try to be logical when they are mentally impaired.
5: it's sad that you lie about you're lifestyle that way you'll be given medication that "makes you feel better", when in reality it turns you into an asshole because the label says specifically not to take it with alcohol, but you do anyway, and aside from that, abusing alcohol all together, thus making everyone else around you, that you "care about" and "love" [but basically just feel obligated to] feel like absolute shit and hate you.
6: it's sad that whenever you speak, no one listens to you or takes what you say into account because you're so fucked up, that you never remember what the hell you said the next day, so while you speak all anyone thinks is shut the fuck up!.
7: also, i find it sad when you repeat the same line over and over about how all you want to do is help people, but whenever they open their mouths to say anything, you just think about the next bullshit line you'll give. or better yet, you interrupt the person trying so speak to you with the bullshit line you've been thinking up.
8: it's sad when you're kids can't forgive you for not divorcing you're wife.
9: it's sad when you're kids argue with you sometimes on purpose in hopes that you'll hit them that way you can go to jail.
10: it's sad that most people can read this and think "what an asshole" and what they might not know is that this is how i feel about my father.
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| so we all know there a good times and bad times. then there are just times where you couldn't care less. i was having a very good week. i had no concerns. i got all my homework done. and i was selected to go to Dr. Tim. for a while i had been careless to everything. i turned numb. and then last week i had a good week just like that. it felt good. i have this thing that gets me down, and last week i thought i was so close to getting over it. the only time i thought about it was when i was thinking about how much i wasn't thinking about it, if that makes any sense to you at all. but it was great. i felt like a million dollars. but then, like all good things, it faded because of something that is only a small indication of why i'd ever need to think of this certain thing that gets me down again. very small. something so small it would be no significance for me to even mention what it was to anyone concerning my problem. "but let's not kid ourselves, laurel, no one is concerning our problem and we know it." that's what i'm thinking if you couldn't catch on. but, there's my latest concern. i'm so lost now. i thought i was on the right track, but i wasn't paying attention and just fell right off on to my face. i've been trying so hard that it hurts me deep to see that my efforts prove pointless. i don't even know what to try next. i'm so close to just giving up all together. i just wish there was a way i could be closer.
i'm so sorry for not being there. i really am, from the bottom of my empty heart. i'm sooooo sorry i couldn't do better. if i tried harder it would be pointless. it's like going fishing in a pond with no fish. you hope and hope for something to come out of it, but when you reel in, it's just as disappointing as the last time.
someone save me.
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| so i know this person. they're amazing in every way you could think that means. they're blurry at times, but most of the time you can see right through them. or i can anyway. this person is so pure, yet i see so much that's fake that it makes me second guess why i find this person so appealing. i honestly don't know the answer to that, but i love it being that way. this person has been the star of more of my dreams than ony other person i know. the strangest part about them being in most of my recent dreams is that i remember all the details about the dreams. and to make things worse, i know what happens in those dreams would never happen in real life, and for that i often feel a bit of guilt. this person has a small idea of how i feel, but that doesn't matter to me. i could spill for days and it would have no impact. this person makes me feel the worst i've ever felt toward someone, and also the best i've ever felt about myself. this person has no idea how much of my life i've wasted thinking about someone who doesn't feel anything. if that person did, i would know by now, and if they were hiding it for some god-awful reason that i'll never know, i hope they know that one day it will be too late. it might be years and years [like it has been already] but it will. but it doesn't matter. if there was anything, i wouldn't be blogging to myself about it. so i know this person. they make me hurt it ways no one should hurt. i'm the most pathetic person i know. | | |
| things are not going the way they should. it really wasn't supposed to be like this. and i know it won't matter later, but tomorrow's never promised. and i don't want to regret any day that i live, including today, which isn't one of the best days i've felt. it's borderline crappy and it didn't have to be.
it is what it is.
live by it.
and in all honestly, after all this complete SHIT i've grown numb to ignore
...i'm still in love.
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